A year ago i packed a bag and set out to begin a period of traveling and wandering. I had only been in Hong Kong for a short time and hadn't yet began moving north when i received a phone call offering me some rather lucrative projects back home.
As a session musician I am somewhat of a musical prostitute and will play anything anyone wants for cash. Well here we are, almost a year to the day I landed and Im still immersed in cabaret and all manner of flamboyancies.
I am currently half way through a 6 week stint at a posh restaurant in Plymouth on the south coast of the UK, where i am the jigging guitarist 'Bjorn' in a Abba tribute band. The other acts appearing are the finest tribute artists i've ever seen and the whole thing is actually very sleek indeed.
Last night I heard myself saying something that would make anyone's eyebrows raise,
"..well Neil Diamond bought a round of drinks, then Michael Jackson got a round in, so I kinda had to dint i!"
MJ was saying to me that he strives to be as good as he can but knowing he'll never be as good as the real MJ is a source of constant sorrow. I suggested to him that perhaps that which we do in life is a reflection of that which we perceive is missing. His lack of self confidence is perhaps what draws him so fervantly to perform and perform well. However the fact that he accepts that he will never BE his idol, no matter what he does, is what keeps his 'madness' from [chref=20]waxing[/chref].
Even tho we all find this concept [chref=70]easy to understand,[/chref] our insecurities are [chref=54]firmly rooted[/chref] in our biology and cannot simply be pulled out. This can feel rather frustrating and can often send us off on self destructive battles bewteen our actual selves and our 'ideal' self. Awareness of this however helps us slow down long enough to ask our selves what is [chref=44]dearer[/chref] and 'beat our selves up' a little less when we begin to trust that the great mother nature is doing what must be done in us, even if we feel we dont measure up to [chref=45]great perfection[/chref] or we 'should' be doing better.
Shamone! HE Hee! OW!